10 Of The World’s Grossest and Weirdest Dildos and Vibrators

To see the ‘real’ photo click the ‘link’ of each item.

1Zombies: Attack of the Loving Dead

Everyone loves zombies these days, but not everyone loves having a zombie inside of them. If nothing gets your engine running like the thought of a rotting, bacteria-covered member, this Zombi Art Dildo is for you.For those very special (severely disturbed) people that are into this sort of thing, it comes with a premium five color paint job to ensure the realism of your undead fantasy remains intact.


2Dragons: Mythology Lovers Unite

I don’t know what’s more disturbing: that this company thinks they know what a dragon penis should look like, or that people actually want to have sex with a dragon badly enough to pay a minimum of $150 to pretend they are having sex with a mythical Scottish beast….wait, yeah, the second one is definitely far more disturbing. Of course, the design of this thing does nothing to ease your mind about that sickening thought with its massive width and disturbingly lumpy and veiny shape. Oh, and if you’re wondering about the plastic cord, that’s attached to a pump that lets you squirt yourself with ooey gooey dragon spunk. If you don’t sleep for the next few nights because of this, I apologize in advance.


3Dogs: Man's Best Friend

At first glance, these things are kind of artistic and pretty. That is, until you remember that their sole purpose is to allow people to get as close to bestiality as is legally and ethically possible. While I have to give these people props for at least not molesting a real dog, the fact that these things are so anatomically correct that they come with pumps to swell up the plastic until it gets stuck inside…it makes me throw up a little every time I think about it.


4Werewolves: Toeing The Beastiality Line

If having sex with a dog seems kind of sexy to you, but you can’t quite cross over the line to bestiality, maybe this werewolf dildo can help you balance the line between man and beast. Of course, this is also a great sex toy for those on the Team Jacob side of the great Twilight debate.


5Vampire: The Other Undead Meat

For those on the Team Edward side of the fence, The Vamp dildo is just what you need to help satiate your desire for the pale, cold flesh of your imaginary lover. As the product page says, “toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.”
Really though, if you’re old enough to go to a shop and buy one of these, you’re too old to read such terrible literature.


6King Dongs: Size Does Matter

There’s not much to say about this ungodly monstrosity of a dildo, other than the fact that if you can actually use something this big, you don’t need a new dildo -you need plastic surgery to fix whatever orifice you were buying for. Seriously, nothing this big belongs in someone’s body.


7Cthulhu: For Lovecraft Lovers

This limited edition Cthulhu dildo inspired by the Mythos universe of H.P. Lovecraft is a perfect toy for anyone obsessed with the Old Ones. They even come with their own velvet and satin bag and a certificate of authenticity so you know that your tentacled friend was really worth the hefty price tag.


8Jackhammer Jesus: Praise the Lord

By now many people are already familiar with the Jackhammer Jesus cross-shaped dildo, but being as how it just might be the world’s most blasphemous dildo, there’s just no way to leave it out of a list like this. At least you can have a deeper meaning when you find yourself screaming, “oh, God” during your next escapade.


9Obama: The Head Of State

Remember the Obama Girl from the 2008 election? Well, she can finally live out her sexually –charged political fantasies with this Head Of State Obama dildo. If you’re one of the many obsessive Obama merchandise collectors, don’t miss out on this instant classic that can be yours for just $39.99.


10Platinum & Diamond Encrusted: A Girl's Best Friend

This little guy made from platinum and covered in 28 diamonds is certain to please even the pickiest gold digger. At an outrageous cost of $3,250, this might just be the world’s most expensive vibrator. Seriously though, wouldn’t you rather just buy a regular vibrator and save the other $3,150 to go on vacation, buy some nice dresses or give the money to charity? In terms of sheer greed, this might actually be the sickest of all the toys on this list.


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